Have you ever heard, seen, or even felt that a man could be a victim of domestic violence? It’s a difficult reality that many people—men included—face in silence. When we think of domestic violence, our minds often go straight to images of women suffering at the hands of an abusive partner. While it’s true that women are disproportionately affected, men can also be victims of domestic violence. In fact, the stigma around male victims often prevents them from seeking help, making it all the more important for us to understand how to offer support and break the cycle of abuse.
A home should be a place of safety, love, and mutual respect. It should be where all members—regardless of gender—feel secure, valued, and able to express their thoughts, emotions, and concerns without fear of judgment or harm. However, some individuals, including men, are denied that basic human right. They endure pain, fear, and isolation because of domestic violence, often struggling in silence. For these men, the home becomes a battlefield.
What Shape Does Domestic Violence Take?
Domestic violence can manifest in many forms, all of which are equally harmful, and none of which should ever be tolerated. It isn’t always physical, though physical abuse is often the most visible form. Domestic violence may take the following shapes:
- Physical Abuse: Hitting, slapping, pushing, or other forms of physical harm.
- Verbal Abuse: Insults, humiliation, belittling, and other forms of emotional degradation.
- Sexual Abuse: Forced sexual acts, coercion, or emotional manipulation in a sexual context.
- Economic Abuse: Controlling finances, limiting access to money, or preventing the victim from working.
- Cultural and Emotional Violence:** Threats to the victim’s identity, culture, or emotional well-being.
- Neglect: Ignoring the victim's needs or dismissing their feelings as unimportant.
In some cases, the abuse may be subtle or hidden, making it even harder for the victim to recognize what’s happening. Many men, in particular, feel immense shame and confusion about their experience, which leads them to deny or downplay the abuse.
This recording makes me weep for Johnny Depp. "Tell the world, Johnny, tell them, Johnny Depp, I, a man, I'm a victim too of domestic violence. And see how many people believe or side with you".
Mistreatments and abuses are not acceptable and tolerable at all! Johnny Depp said he's a victim of domestic violence!
Why Do Men Suffer in Silence?
Despite the fact that some men are undoubtedly suffering from domestic violence, many hesitate to speak up. They may be embarrassed or fear that others will question their masculinity. Cultural myths, like "men don't cry" or "men are strong enough to handle it," often prevent them from seeking help. These outdated beliefs can create a toxic atmosphere where vulnerability is seen as weakness, and asking for help is equated with being "less of a man."
But the truth is that no one—man or woman—deserves to live in fear or tolerate abuse. It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for professional help; it’s a sign of strength and self-respect. Everyone deserves a safe, supportive home environment.
What Should You Do If You’re a Man
Suffering from Domestic Violence?
If you're experiencing domestic violence, the most important thing is to acknowledge that what you're going through is abuse. Denial may feel safer in the short term, but it only prolongs the suffering. Here’s how you can start to seek help and begin healing:
1. Don't Stay Silent: Talk to someone you trust. Whether it’s a close friend, family member, or therapist, opening up can provide emotional support and may help you see the situation more clearly.
2. Seek Professional Help: Many countries have helplines and support services specifically for men facing domestic violence. A licensed therapist, counsellor, or support group can help you navigate the complex emotions that come with abuse. They can also help you develop strategies for safety and healing.
3. Be aware of the Signs: Understand that emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical violence. Insults, manipulation, control, and humiliation can cause long-term psychological harm. Knowing these patterns can help you take the necessary steps to protect yourself.
4. Take Care of Your Mental Health: Domestic violence affects not only your body but also your mental well-being. Therapy can help you rebuild your self-esteem and address any trauma or emotional scars left by the abuse.
5. Know Your Rights: Laws protecting victims of domestic violence vary by country, but in many places, men are entitled to the same protections as women. Learn about the legal resources available to you, such as restraining orders or legal aid.
Why Do Some Men Choose Abusive Partners?
If you like to marry and before that:
If you’re in a relationship and wondering why you’ve ended up with an abusive partner, it’s important to reflect on your own emotional needs, patterns, and expectations. Relationships often mirror what you’ve experienced in childhood or past relationships. If you’ve been in an abusive relationship before, or if you grew up in an environment where emotional abuse was normalized, you may unknowingly gravitate toward a similar dynamic.
Here are some ways to ensure a healthy relationship:
Don’t Rush Into Marriage: Take the time to get to know your partner deeply. Have open, honest conversations about backgrounds, interests, and family dynamics. Don’t overlook red flags.
Seek Professional Guidance: A licensed family therapist can help you navigate relationship dynamics and ensure you’re building a partnership based on mutual respect and understanding.
Address Mental Health Issues: If your partner has unresolved mental health issues, it’s important to remember that you cannot "fix" them. Mental health concerns like anxiety or depression often require the help of a trained therapist. You are not responsible for repairing someone else’s emotional wounds.
If you're married
If You’re Already Married and in an Abusive Relationship
If you're already married and you’re being emotionally or physically abused, the first step is to admit to yourself what’s happening. Acknowledging the abuse is crucial for your emotional and mental health. You’re not weak for admitting that you’re struggling; you’re strong for recognising your situation and seeking help.
You may also need to ask yourself why you’ve tolerated the abuse. Are there deep-seated feelings of guilt, obligation, or fear? These emotions can be powerful and may require therapy to work through. But remember, no one should be subject to abuse, and you do not have to endure it.
Some Men Are Victims Too
One of the most poignant reminders of the difficulty male victims face is the case of Johnny Depp, who bravely spoke out about his own experience with domestic violence. He famously said, “Tell the world, Johnny, tell them, Johnny Depp, I, a man, am a victim too of domestic violence. And see how many people believe or side with you.”
His words reflect the harsh reality that society often minimizes or dismisses male victims of domestic violence. Depp's story is a reminder that abuse, in any form, is never acceptable. Mistreatment is not tolerable, and no one should suffer in silence—no matter their gender.
Final Thoughts: Breaking The Silence And Ending The Stigma
Domestic violence is an issue that affects everyone—regardless of gender. If you're a man suffering from abuse, know that you’re not alone, and there’s help available. Don’t let societal expectations or outdated beliefs prevent you from seeking the support you deserve. Talk to a professional, reach out to a support group, and never feel ashamed of asking for help.
Together, we can break the silence and end the stigma surrounding domestic violence, creating a world where all victims—men and women alike—can find safety, healing, and peace.
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please reach out to a professional or contact a local helpline. You deserve to live a life free from fear and abuse.
Everyday With Psychology is here to help you. Send me an email right away to begin your journey of self-discovery.
Individual, Couple and Family Therapist, and supervisor.
Online & Face -to -Face Therapy
counselling.calm@gmail.com
A supervisor and Fellow registered member of The ACCPH (Accredited Counsellors, Coaches, Psychotherapists and Hypnotherapists) here Member ID #2822
Level: Fellow Accredited Member
Best of luck, Cheers,
